Marriage One Liners

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.<BR>
--Henny Youngman<BR>
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The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest
that perhaps they're too old to do it.<BR>
--Ann Bancroft<BR>
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Any husband who says, "My wife and I are completely equal
partners," is talking about either a law firm or a hand of bridge.<BR>
--Bill Cosby<BR>
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Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards<BR>
--Benjamin Franklin<BR>
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My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.<BR>
--Henny Youngman<BR>
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My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.<BR>
--Rodney Dangerfield<BR>
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A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.<BR>
--Milton Berle<BR>
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.<BR>
--George Burns<BR>
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What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30
pounds.
--Cindy Garner

When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping. Men invade
another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.
--Elaine Boosler

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said,"There was water in
the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the
lake."
--Henny Youngman

My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.
--Rita Rudner

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
--Henny Youngman

People are always asking couples whose marriages have endured at
least a quarter of a century for their secret for success.
Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my
husband for not being Paul Newman.
--Erma Bombeck