Classic Questions About Australia

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so
how do the plants grow? (UK)<BR>
A: Upwards, out of the ground, like the person who asked this question, who
themselves will need watering if their IQ drops any lower...

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)<BR>
A: Depends on how much beer you've consumed...

Q: Which direction should I drive - Perth to Darwin or Darwin to Perth - to
avoid driving with the sun in my eyes? (Germany)<BR>
A: Excellent question, considering that the Olympics are being held in
Sydney.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks?
(Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, so you'll need to have started
about a year ago to get there in time for this October...

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)<BR>
A: And accomplish what?

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact
for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)<BR>
A: I'm not touching this one...

Q: My client wants to take a steel pooper-scooper into Australia. Will you
let her in? (South Africa)<BR>
A: Why? We do have toilet paper here...

Q: Are there any ATMs in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in
Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)<BR>

Q: Where can I learn underwater welding in Australia? (Portugal)<BR>

Q: Do the camels in Australia have one hump or two? (UK)<BR>

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)<BR>
A: Why bother? Use your fingers like the rest of us...

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)<BR>
A: No. Everybody stinks.

Q: Do tents exist in Australia? (Germany)<BR>
A: Yes, but only in sporting supply stores, peoples' garages, and most
national parks...

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)<BR>
A: This HAS to have been asked by a blonde...

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is
smaller than the male population? (Italy)<BR>
A: Yes. Gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)<BR>
A: Yes. At Christmas.

Q: Can I drive to the Great Barrier Reef? (Germany)<BR>
A: Sure, if your vehicle is amphibious.

Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)<BR>
A: Not yet, but we'll see what we can do when you get here.

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)<BR>
A: What's this guy smoking, and where do I get some?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?
(Germany)<BR>
A: Another blonde?

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense
rattlesnake serum. (USA)<BR>
A: I love this one...there are no rattlesnakes in Australia.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)<BR>
A: Face North and you should be about right.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)<BR>
A: Americans have long had considerable trouble distinguishing between
Austria and Australia.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its
name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)<BR>

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you
tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)<BR>
A: From Liz Taylor, perhaps?

Q: Are there places in Australia where you can make love outdoors? (Italy)<BR>
A: Yes. Outdoors.

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R&R, and I want to contact the girl I dated
while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)<BR>

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)<BR>
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.