The Bosnian Quarterback

Coach Bobby Ross had put together the perfect Lions team. The only thing he was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges, and even the high schools, but he couldn't find a ringer quarterback who could ensure a Super Bowl win.

Then one night, while watching CNN, he saw a war-zone scene in Bosnia. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Bosnian soldier with a truly incredible arm.

He threw a hand grenade straight into a 15th-story window 200 yards away...

Ka-boom!

He throws another hand grenade into a group of 10 soldiers 100 yards away...

Ka-blooey!

Then a car passed, going 90 mph...

BAM! Bulls-eye!

"I've got to get me this guy!" Ross says to himself. "He's got the perfect arm!"

So, without much cajoling he manages to bring the kid to the States, aways from the dangers of Bosnia and teaches him the great game of football.

That season the Lions go on to win the Super Bowl for the first time in history and the young, modest Bosnian becomes one of the Great Heroes of football. When Ross asks him what he wants, all the young man wants to do is to call his mother.

"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl."

"I spit on your superbowl, I don't want to talk to you," the old woman says. "You deserted us. You are not my son."

"...But Mamma!" the young man pleads. "I just won the greatest sporting event in the world. Thousands of people are calling my name, our family name..."

"No, let me tell you," the mother screams. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and this week your sister was raped in broad daylight."

The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says "...I'll never forgive you for making us move to Detroit."