Can I Go to Hell Instead?

An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She's chatting it up with St.
Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most
awful blood-curdling screams.

"Don't worry about that," says St. Peter, "it's only someone having the holes put into her shoulder
blades for wings."

The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the
conversation. Ten minutes later, there are more blood curdling screams
Oh my God, "says the old lady, "now what is happening?"

"Not to worry," says St. Peter, "She's just having her head drilled to fit
the halo."

"I can't do this," says the old lady, "I'm going to hell." "You can't
go there, "says St. Peter. "You'll be raped and sodomized."

"Maybe so," says the old lady, "but I've already got the holes for
that !"