History Lesson

History began some 12,000 years ago.(Actually, it was 40,000 years
ago.) Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic
hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer
and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of
beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man
to the beer. These were the foundations of modern civilization and,
together, were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two
distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the
beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can was
invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting
around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the
brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to barbeque at
night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is
known as "the Conservative movement."

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live
off the Conservatives by showing up for the nightly barbeques and doing
the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into
women. The rest became known as girlymen.

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats,
the invention of group therapy, group hugs and the concept of
Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that
Conservatives provided.

Over the years, Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest,
most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are
symbolized by the jackass.

Modern Liberals like imported beer (with lime added)(& foo foo
coffee), but most prefer white wine or imported, bottled water. They
eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French
food are standard Liberal fare.

Another interesting evolutionary side note: Most of their women have
higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers,
personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group
therapists are Liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule
because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still
provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo
cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors,
police officers, corporate executives, fighter pilots, athletes and
generally anyone who works productively outside government.
Conservatives who own companies hire other Conservatives who want to
work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the
producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe
Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the
Liberals remained in Europe when Conservatives were coming to America.
They crept in after the Wild West was tame and created a business of
trying to get MORE for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history. It should be noted that a
Liberal will have an uncontrollable urge to respond to the above
instead of simply laughing and deleting or forwarding it.