Job Ads Made Easy

What the Job Ad says & What it means:

Advancement opportunity:<BR>
Sh*t job

Entry level<BR>
Really sh*t job

No experience necessary<BR>
The mother of all sh*t jobs

Administrative assistant <BR>
Sh*t job with a title

Ground floor opportunity<BR>
Sh*t job with a company that will file bankruptcy within a year

Progressive company<BR>
Employees get to wear jeans every other Friday

Team player<BR>
Must deal with dangerously territorial co-workers with rabid personalities

Upbeat personality<BR>
Must neither threaten us with any kind of lawsuit nor use the drug and alcohol rehab benefit within the first year

Word processing skills essential<BR>
There's a crippling case of carpal tunnel syndrome in your future.

Public relations Receptionist Professional appearance important<BR>
$20K/year that requires a $100K wardrobe

Pleasant telephone manner<BR>
Be voice of 1-900-SUCK

Earn up to $300/hr:<BR>
BE 1-900-SUCK

Salary range $24K to $32K<BR>
This salary is $24K

Jeans job!<BR>
Minimum wage temp job in concentration camp conditions

B.A. required, master's preferred <BR>
Must be an M.A. and be willing to work on a B.A.'s salary

Civil service<BR>
This job was filled from the inside six months ago

Women & minorities encouraged to apply <BR>
White males need not waste the stamp

Outstanding benefits package <BR>
Health insurance

Tons of variety! <BR>
We took all the heinous tasks no other employee would do and rolled them in to one job.

Top-notch communication skills <BR>
Telemarketing

Beautiful offices in attractive locations <BR>
Brand new ticky-tacky windowless building where the picture frames all match the carpeting

Secretary <BR>
Woman-only job with the responsibilities of management and wages of a migrant worker

Executive secretary <BR>
The most powerful position in any company

Dedicated <BR>
You're looking at a minimum of 80 hrs/wk from now until we force you in to early retirement

Salary commensurate <BR>
We will pay whatever the hell we feel like

Salary negotiable <BR>
We will take the lowest bidder

Competitive salary <BR>
We'll pay you up to 10% more than your last job, but not one penny more

Competitive starting salary <BR>
Ten cents above minimum wage

Pleasant atmosphere <BR>
A staff of pod people

Professional atmosphere <BR>
Zombie pod people

Fun, creative atmosphere <BR>
Pod people from hell

Dynamic atmosphere <BR>
Zombie pod people from hell

Gal Friday <BR>
Anyone who actually applies for this job deserves it

Self-starter <BR>
Open to very broad interpretation since no one really knows what this means