Christmas Party

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 1 October 2005

RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
place on December 23, starting at noon, in the private function room
at the Grill House.

There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small
band playing traditional carols ........ feel free to sing along!

And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!

A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00pm.

Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however,
no gift should be over $10 to make the giving of gifts easy for
everyone's pockets.

This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO will make a special
announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Patty

*************

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 2 October 2005

RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.

We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often
coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party". The same
policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those
still celebrating Reconciliation Day.

There will be no Christmas tree present, No Christmas carols sung. We
will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family.

Patty

***************

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 3 October 2005

RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
requesting a non-drinking table................. you didn't sign your
name.

I'm happy to accommodate this request but if I put a sign on a table
that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I
supposed to handle this?

Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since
the union members feel that $10 is too much money and executives
believe $10 is a little chintzy.

NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Patty

****************

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All Employees

DATE: 4 October 2005

RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins
the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking
during daylight hours. There goes the party!

Seriously we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of the year
does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill
House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party -
or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil
doggy baggy. Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit
farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the
table closest to the restrooms.

Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit
with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be a
flower arrangement for the Gay men's table.

To the person asking permission to cross-dress, no cross-dressing
allowed though.

We will have booster seats for short people. Low-fat food will be
available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the
food, we suggest for those people with high blood pressure to taste
first.

There will be fresh fruits for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot
supply "No sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?

Patty

***************

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director

TO: All ****ing Employees

DATE: 5 October 2005

RE: The ****ing Holiday Party

Vegetarian *****s I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep
this at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit
quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you so
quaintly put it, and you'll get your ****ing salad bar, including
organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings too. They
scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them
scream right NOW!

I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die.

The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**********************

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director<BR>
TO: All Employees

DATE: 6 October 2005

RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy
recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her

In the meantime, Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give
everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!