Best Excuses for Not Going to Work

1.) "If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to
work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today."<BR>
2.) "When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition
to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about
it."<BR>

3.) "I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the
other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some
kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the
explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the
polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) for the clocks in the
house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled
up New York Times. Accordingly, I will now be in late, or early."<BR>
4.) "I have to go in for a blood transfusion... My stigmata's
acting up again."<BR>
5.) "I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking
my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?<BR>
6.) "I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I
know we have that deadline to meet, so if you really want me to
come in..."<BR>
7.) "I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the
Food Giant."<BR>
8.) "Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit
disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be
able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint,
but thank you for calling."<BR>
9.) "I accidentally converted my calendar from Julian to
Gregorian and lost today."<BR>
10.) "I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally,
I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now
contain false information.<BR>
11.) "The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He
even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I
am startled."<BR>
12.) "The dog ate my car keys and we have to hitchhike to the
vet."<BR>
13.) "Today I am compelled to remain an enigma."<BR>
14.) "My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and
we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her
heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it."<BR>
15.) "I can't come to work today because the EPA has
determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands
and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.<BR>
16.) "Constipation has made me a walking time bomb and I have
to keep my back to an open window.<BR>