Women, An Analysis

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CHEMICAL ANALYSIS
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Element : Woman. Symbol : Wo Discoverer : Adam.

Occurrence : - Found wherever man is but seldom in the highly reactive, energetic single state. Surplus quantities in all urban areas.

Physical Properties: - Undergoes spontaneous dehydrolysis (weeps) at absolutely nothing and freezes at a moment's notice. Totally unpredictable. Melts when properly treated, very bitter if not well used. Found in various states, ranging from virgin metal to common ore. Non-magnetic but attracted by coins and sports cars. In its natural shape the specimen varies considerably, but is often changed so well artificially that the change is indiscernible except to the experienced eye.

Chemical Properties: - Has a great affinity for Au, Ag and C in the crystalline form. May give a violent reaction if left alone. Will absorb great amounts of food matter. Highly desired reaction is catalyzed with various reagents such as C2H5OH and sexy aftershave lotions. An essential catalyst is required (must say you love her at least five times daily). Reaction accelerates out of all control in the dark and when all reaction conditions are suitable. Extremely difficult to react if in the highly stable pure form. Yields to pressure applied to correct points. The reaction is highly exothermic.

Storage: - Best results are obtained between the ages of 18 and 25 years.

Uses: - Highly ornamental. Used as a tonic for low spirits. Used on lonely nights as a heating agent if properly prepared.

Tests: - Pure specimens turn rosy tint if discovered in raw, natural state. Turns green if placed beside a better specimen.

CAUTION: - Most powerful reducing agent known to man (income and ego). Highly explosive in inexperienced hands. Specimen must be used with great care if experiment are to succeed. It is illegal to possess more than one permanent specimen, though a certain amount of exchange is permitted.