Notice to All EMS Personnel

From: Chief of Operations
Subject: Proper Narrative Descriptions

It has come to our attention from several emergency rooms that many EMS
narratives have taken a decidedly creative direction lately. Effective
immediately, all members are to refrain from using slang and abbreviations
to describe patients, such as the following.

a.. Cardiac patients should not be referred to as suffering from MUH
(messed up heart), PBS (pretty bad shape), PCL (pre-code looking) or HIBGIA
(had it before, got it again).<BR>
b.. Stroke patients are NOT "Charlie Carrots." Nor are rescuers to use
CCFCCP(Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs) to describe their mental state.<BR>
c.. Trauma patients are not CATS (cut all to sh*t), FDGB (fall down, go
boom), TBC (total body crunch) or "hamburger helper." Similarly,
descriptions of a car crash do not have to include phrases like "negative
vehicle to vehicle interface" or "terminal deceleration syndrome."<BR>
d.. HAZMAT teams are highly trained professionals, not "glow worms."<BR>
e.. Persons with altered mental states as a result of drug use are not
considered "pharmaceutically gifted."<BR>
f.. Gunshot wounds to the head are not "trans-occipital implants."<BR>
g.. The homeless are not "urban outdoorsmen," nor is endotracheal
intubation referred to as a "PVC Challenge."<BR>
h.. And finally, do not refer to recently deceased persons as being "paws
up," ART (assuming room temperature), CC (Cancel Christmas), CTD (circling
the drain), DRT (dead right there) or NLPR (no long playing records).
I know you will all join me in respecting the cultural diversity of our
patients to include their medical orientations in creating proper narratives
and log entries.