Shitty Night Before Christmas

'Twas The Night Before Christmas
And All Through The House
Everybody Felt Shitty
Even The Mouse.

Dad's At the Whorehouse
And Mom's Smoking Grass
I'd Just Settled Down
For A Warm Piece Of Ass.

When Out On The Lawn
I Heard Such A Clatter
I Sprung For My Piece
To See What Was The Matter.

Then Out On The Lawn
I Saw A Big Red Dick. I Knew
In A Moment It Must
Be Saint Nick.

He Came Down The Chimney
Like A Bat Out Of Hell
I Knew In A Moment
The Fucker Had Fell.

He Filled All Our Stockings
With Pretzels And Beer
And A Big Rubber Dick
For My Brother The Queer.

He Shot Up The Chimney
With A Thunderous Fart
The Son Of A Bitch
Blew The Chimney Apart.

He Swore And He Cursed
As He Rode Out Of Sight
Piss On You All
And Have A Hell Of A Night!"