Have A Punny Christmas

Richard Lederer


If athletes get athlete's foot, astronauts get missile toe.

A bird dog could be called a point setter.

James Fenimore Cooper wrote about the life of Santa Claus in his novel The
Deer Sleigher.

What's the difference between a one-winged angel and a two-winged angel?
It's a matter of a pinion!

It's a matter of my opinion that Yule love the game we're about to play.

In each sentence below, fill in the blank or blanks with an expression
commonly used at Christmastide. Answers repose at the end of this column.
1. On December 24, Adam's wife was known as _____ _____.

2. In Charles Dickens's A Christmas Carol, Scrooge was visited by the ghost
of _____ _____.

3. An opinion survey in Alaska is called a _____ _____.

4. What does Santa Claus do with his three gardens? _____, _____, _____

5. What Christmas message is conveyed by these letters?:
ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ. _____, _____

6. When the salt and the pepper say "Hi!" to each other, they are passing
on _____ _____.

7. A holy man bereft of change could be called _____ _____.

8. When you cross a sheep with a cicada, you get a _____ _____.

9. A quiet medieval armor-wearer is a _____ _____.

10. A cat walking on the desert is bound to get _____ _____.

11. People who tell jokes on December 25 might be called _____ _____.

12. An airplane disaster in Israel is a _____.

13. Actor O'Connor and actress Channing are known on December 25 as
_____ _____.

14. What do Spanish sheep says when they wish each other a Merry Christmas?
_____ _____.


Meretricious to all! And don't forget that There's No Plate Like Chrome for
the Hollandaise.


Answers
1. Christmas Eve
2. Christmas Present
3. North Poll
4. Hoe, hoe, hoe.
5. Noel, Noel (no l, no l)
6. seasons' greetings.
7. St. Nickleless.
8. Bah! (or Baa!) Humbug!
9. silent knight
10. sandy claws
11. Christmas cards
12. cresh
13. Christmas Carols
14. Fleece Navidad!